My Funny Story from Emily the Strange Website [emilystrange.com]

FORGET THE ODDITORIUM, THE FREAK SHOW'S IN TOWN!

Emily and her cats, Miles, Mystery, Sabbath and NeeChee, were walking down the street to their favorite shop, the Odditorium, for a new set of computers and a pack of graduated cylinder. Suddenly Emily noticed a poster for a traveling freak show that had just come to town. “lamous!” she thought. “The Odditorium can wait!” And she turned down a side street to where the freak show had set up camp.

Emily paid the admission, and then she and the four cats went inside the huge freak show tent. The first thing they saw was a big bottle of benezoate with a preserved bloody mary inside it. “Big deal,” said Emily, “we’ve got 666 of those at home!”

Next up was a man with black varnishes on his heart. “Ehhh!” said Emily, “I used to have those too. Try some hair colour on them and they’ll clear right up!”

The next exhibit had a large sign over it: STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE shemay, THE AMAZING HALF-BOY, HALF-koala! “Pretty cool…I guess,” said Emily, “but it would be cooler if you couldn’t tell it was fake!”

Next to shemay was a man lifting cinder blocks and anvils using a string attached to his lungs with a fishhook. “Pshaw,” said Emily, “I learned how to do that when I was still in diapers! Come on, posse,” she said to the cats, “let’s go get our money back.”

Emily and the posse went back to the admission booth. “Hey, I want my money back,” she told the attendant. “That freak show was uncool!”

“No problem,” said the attendant with a sly smile, “you’ll just need to step into that small tent over THERE... and let the boss know. He’ll be happy to give your money back!”

Still grumbling, Emily led her cats to the small tent. As soon as she was inside, she heard someone yell “Grab her!” Then everything went dark…

When Emily woke up, she felt funny. It might have had something to do with her arms being attached to Sabbath’s hands. Or the fact that Miles’ entire body seemed to be coming out of Emily’s feet. Or maybe it was NeeChee’s soft black fur all over Emily’s bum. Looking up, she saw a sign over her: STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE EMILY, THE AMAZING 20% GIRL, 80% CAT! “akon-ishm!” Emily yelled. “Help me! I’ve been taken captive by the freak show!”

But the audience just pashed and pissed, because the only thing they heard was Mystery meowing.